Better picture? Yes, no. Leave me an anon or something
There you go. Enjoy it for the next 30 minutes. 4 months ago I would have had to flex to look this way. Now its just there. Thank you US Army.
Madness fills my heart and soul. I’m growing just a little more old. Grow like a tree around me, hold me tightly and let your head rest on my chest like the leaves rest on the ground during the fall season.
Let’s write about something more than our minds can imagine.
Let the pen drop, allow the lines to form stories based off of scribbled nothings.
Taking more and more steps towards being the best I can be.
I should have never allowed my hands to freeze around my heart.
You should have never allowed my soul to freeze permanently inside of your ribcage.
This world should have just simply kept us apart.
Ponder each moment that stays around long enough to hold onto.
We made it!
She knows so much
about me and I know
so little about her…
Catch you guys on the flipside yo!
Such a simple term used in such a simple way.
Yet it holds much more meaning to it than most things, does it not?
Does it not imply that there will come a time when you will greet the other with a simple hello again?
Love stories from my childhood seem to be kept on replay because these modern day love stories are just the same.
Originality is a word I see thrown around a lot these days. I’d love to see someone actually do something original that no one else has thought of.
You grow with goodbye’s but you also slowly die.
So I leave you with these few simple words while I am gone.
No matter how hard writing may seem, no matter how many times you erase your words.
Just remember that the thoughts will never leave your mind, they will crawl back into your hands and you’ll write beautifully no matter what anyone says.
So goodbye for now, take care, stay beautiful and grow well.
So um…this totally happened. Um…yeah that’s really fucking cool honestly.
I found out the other night that the one I wrote each love note to had decided long before we even ended that it was not good enough for us to be together. She moved on and gave him the smiles that my eyes used to see. She told him the very same words that my ears once gathered together in order to make me smile. I will not apologize for my absence, my anger, my fear of the thought that this could happen to me again.
My heart has rested uneasy these past 48 hours the news blew out my knees as I stood in front of the kitchen sink holding on to the edges of my counter-top. Trying…failing at holding back my dinner. The walls in my garage have blood stains from where my fists have been forced to release my anger. The engine of my car is still clicking itself cold as I sit here and talk to you.
It’s okay though. I’m a big boy and I can see that things just weren’t meant to be. The nights I spent talking to you on the phone were just nights you probably were by his side. The mornings I used my pillow to curl up with pretending it was you. Were probably the mornings you were “out getting coffee”. I protected your body like the keeper of my happiness because my soul built itself a home in your chest. I should have felt the cold repetition of your heart as it pumped its love right past every word I ever said.
No words can describe the feeling in the back of my throat as I sit there with my hands shaking, my feet sinking into the ground as it sucked me away faster than I could imagine. Don’t feel bad for me though. I suppose there is some logical explanation as to why my tender love was traded for someone else’s….there must be something.
Maybe the love letters became too dull, maybe my smile didn’t warm you up anymore. The plans for the future just weren’t cutting it, the time I spent preparing my mind to holding your hand tenderly for a dance that you and I talked about for months on end just wasn’t a good enough anymore.
As I sit here I try and hold back every tear that my pillows have yet to absorb…I still have yet to cry about this all. Shock isn’t even a word worth trying to use to describe this all. I imagine this to be what death feels like. What upsets me the most is that the thing that gave me the most happiness in life, the darkest parts of the corners of my existence, was just you secretly planting the seed of hatred in my mind. Letting it grow into a full harvest of anger so that when this all hit the light of day…I would become the bad guy. I would show my true colors. I would give you a real reason.
To me its not a matter of even being with you anymore. Its knowing that when I reach over to turn off my light at night I will know that he doesn’t care if he holds your hand the right way, he won’t make sure that you wake up happy and go to sleep smiling…no matter what you say. His lips weren’t the ones trembling the day you decided to give this lost boy a chance at finding a home worth staying in for a while. A person to love until my time came to an end.
Move on…its okay I’ll be fine as my soul hangs itself from the branches of the trees of self doubt that are now in the back of my skull dangling my thoughts around as if they were moss being blown around by the wind. My hands will stop shaking, my chest will stop aching. I promise…I’ll find the reason. The reason you decided it was okay to cheat.
The I love you’s that I once sent your way, have now just become a big pile of burning words to laugh at as you keep warm. As my heart starts to slowly end its rhythm I just want to say one last thing. I forgive you…but you’re not truly forgiven and this last I love you is the only real one I will ever send.
I’ve become so afraid of being the thought
that you can’t get rid of.
The one that keeps you up at night
and for all of the wrong reasons.
Breathe your life into me
and love me until the moon shows up.
I couldn’t sleep because I still love you.
I can’t love you yet I still write for you.
I shouldn’t write for you but I couldn’t sleep.
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